Category Archives: Being seen and heard

Choose Curiosity

Being seen and heard, Couples, Intimacy, ,

To actively see and hear others is to presume that you don’t know the answers – instead to be curious. Questions, a hallmark of curiosity, are an essential step in the process of seeing and hearing. The flower wants to be experienced, witnessed and observed, not talked to.

When you join in the relational experience of being curious, and relinquish being correct, you will not only know more about that person, but you will have more with that person. The more can be rich and nuanced, it can be informative and revealing, it can be bold and scary, and it can inform meaningful intimacy.

The process of being curious is also important in self-discovery. “I wonder what that was about?” “I wonder why I was just defensive?” “I wonder why I’m scared, sad, lonely, threatened, joyful, at peace, etc?”

To be curious, rather than correct, is to give up control and enter into a journey with oneself, and with others along the path.

The DNA of Knowing

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To be seen and heard is not simply to be noticed or to have others agree with you. It is something that lands more deeply upon and within you. It is something that feels more intimate with yourself and more connected to others. It is something that becomes a place of knowing. Knowing becomes something that is yours – a psychological or identity DNA. Knowing can be shared by others but is specific to you.

There is a Difference between Confidence and Knowing. Confidence is something that you can wear, like Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Coat. Something that you can take on and off. Knowing is something that is yours, a language with yourself, the strut in your step, and the glow that surrounds and follows you.

Seen and Heard

Being seen and heard

It is my belief, as a therapist, parent, friend, child, family member and mate, that a commonly shared human desire is to be seen and heard. It is the foundation of knowing, connection, healing and growth. Enter more deeply into the journey of being Seen and Heard.

We know through theories of healthy attachment that from the time of birth, infants are scanning their environment, through the senses of touch, smell and eventually sight, to “see” who is there, who is attending to them, who notices, who cares and who helps to create a safe place for them to flourish.  As a result of this nurturing journey they will come to know the world around them, themselves, and the connection between the two.  If a child does not receive enough of the goodies of nurturing sensory stimulation they will struggle to attach in healthy ways and as a result they may become anxious, impulsive, and insecure.

To be seen and heard is food.  What you do with these nutrients is yours to take ownership of.  It is an opportunity to courageously challenge you to know more about yourself, even the parts that live in the shadows, that live in guilt and shame, and that with the light of knowledge will enhance connection and growth.

It is my belief, as a therapist, parent, friend, child, family member and mate, that a commonly shared human desire is to be seen and heard. It is the foundation of knowing, connection, healing and growth. Enter more deeply into the journey of being Seen and Heard.